music is like the majority of my day at this point. its cliche but music does so much for me and will probably always be a relevant part of my existence as a person. theres nothing like dancing around the room to a new song that goes so fuckin hard. recently i danced so hard to a song that admittedly i had made and stood on a pin that went right thru my big toe ouchie ouchie ouch ouch ouch. but so worth it.

when i was young music was something that i would listen to on an mp3 player handed down by my parents. my shitty little earbuds would carry the tunes of stereo hearts - gym class heroes and the james blunt album moon landing. moon landing was my first cd i owned that id play on my cd player combi radio alarm clock-thing before my dad would rip it for me so i could have it for my player. i discovered moon landing through the radio on the same clock, when bonfire heart was james blunt's uk hit. the station i would listen to would often play the same songs at the same time of days, so after school i would turn on my radio up on my top bunk to listen to bonfire heart. i wrote a minecraft parody that went something along the lines of:

caves like these lead to
mines like this lead to
diamonds, oh no
i forgot im on hardcore mode

which, honestly?? kinda goes hard

id have to dig up the notebook (if i still have it that is) from my cupboards somewhere to get the original for a photo but i dont want to go in them considering i have mice back home at the moment and what if one eats me id cry,,,, anyways, the point is that music has always been an influence on me at the best and worst of times.

in high school toward my final years things got a bit bad mental health wise and music was often a comfort. it was covid times so my school restricted us to a single corner when we were allowed back and it made me go a bit insane. i was stuck inside for so long which already wasnt a good thing for me, but then going to school and being in a corner again was the worst for sure. it didnt help i didnt like who i was, what i was doing, or who i was spending time with but i didnt entirely realise these truths at the time. then bursts onto the scene was car seat headrest's twin fantasy to tell me getting older is kinda like this. i thought it was written for me. it was a moment in time that was perfectly captured in art that allowed me to empathise with my own situation way more than i could realise on my own. arguably also kickstarting my exploration of queerness, but thats still a story unfolding. i think for these reasons it is easy to understand why car seat headrest is my most listened to artist by far and twin fantasy is my most listened to album by a pretty large margin.
i dont really listen to it that often anymore. like it used to be something that i poured days over. in comparison once every now and then is the current status of my listening, but i think Will sums it up pretty well in the album himself:

This is the end of the song, and it is just a song. This is a version of me and you that can exist outside of everything else, and if it is just a fantasy, then anything can happen from here. The contract is up. The names have been changed. So pour one out, whoever you are. These are only lyrics now

When I come back you'll still be here

now its the future i spend my time not being so depressed and inside, but in fairness its still a work in progress. music is still there though, even if it is a different kind of music. my ears get all this new shit though! talking heads, bladee, vylet pony and all these other artists give me a part of themselves and i think in a time of streaming i kinda take that for advantage. my current efforts are going into converting my listening experience into a more evergreen one. switching back to mp3s and flacs and wavs and whatever i can find is allowing me to appreciate the music more. it feels less like a content stream that ive become addicted to like many of the other ways my internet experience has become. the reason why i made this site is because ive become so disenchanted with the internet in recent years and i want to restore the fun and exploratory nature that it used to be for me. streaming is such an uncertain thing for evvery piece of media you gotta hang onto the physicals you keep. im even looking into getting a modded ipod for the lolz.
id often claim that streaming was just easier, but it also took away the honest to god fun manually doing shit was? as well as a guarantee that when i come back my music will still be there.

i make music now under many monikers, and if youd like to listen itll be around this website somewhere at some point. ill update this page when i know where it is. love yourself and love others and do what makes you happy cringe culture is dead love ace xoxo